New Stuff: September/October 2007

Batter up!

Chalk it up to all of those years in Catholic school, but I don’t believe every load of crap that’s shoveled my way. So I couldn’t believe that Handi Gadgets started selling these weird-looking batting scissors! I mean, come on, batting scissors? Say no more. I’m eating crow (after my daily quota of a dozen A&P doughnuts). These scissors are invaluable to the long-armers among us, and I love mine! Now you don’t have to kill yourself trying to get through your cotton or poly batting with smaller blades. Handi Batting Scissors. $29.95


Better marriage and better sex

Here’s a video to save your waistline and quite possibly your marriage! Does My Marriage Make Me Look Fat? is an 8-week audio fitness program for couples to radically change your body and reawaken your relationship. By picking a list of activities you both enjoy (sorry, ladies, quilting doesn’t get your heart rate up unless you accidentally sew your finger to your quilt top), it’ll rev up what ails you and tackles issues like communication, resolving conflict, meeting other’s needs, forgiveness, in-laws and parent,s and passion. Listen. I’m not an idiot and I know that coaxing hubby into this workout regime won’t be an easy sell, but you might want to start by gently reminding him that a proven benefit of good health is good sex. Mama, he’ll be champing at the bit to get started! “Does My Marriage Make Me Look Fat?” $49.99/8 CDs or $29.99/downloadable MP3 version (with a money-back guarantee, which could help with your divorce attorney fees).








Lie, Pinocchio, lie!

Just the perfect size to carry in your purse for the spur-of-the-moment quilt shop stop, this funky tape can measure up to 60 inches when you pull on Pinocchio's nose! It would have been a lot more entertaining if we had to pull a more intimate part of Pinocchio, but this will get the job done. Pinocchio Tape Measure $6.95


The quiltin’ man

Are you a quiltin’ guy who hates carrying your hand projects around in those girly, Dritz® sewing baskets from Wal-Mart and Jo-Ann Fabrics? (I happen to love those sewing baskets, but even I’m not that much of a sissy to be caught dead carrying one in public. Saturday nights around my house is a different story, though.) Well, here’s how I solved that problem: I picked up this neat fishing creel in the sporting goods department of Wal-Mart. It holds all of my needles, appliqué projects, yo-yo thingies, patterns, etc. Should you ever get pulled over by the cops for speeding, he’ll think you’re coming home from a trout-catching expedition instead of your sewing circle, and everybody’s happy. Wal-Mart Fishing Creel, $16




Fast as Mercury

The fluorescent color alone has me sold on The Mercury Template by Mercury Innovations. It’s designed to make strip cutting, diamonds, trapezoids (half hexagons), 60º triangles, and hexagons simple while saving time, fabric, or both. Included is an eight-page instruction booklet for morons like me who begrudgingly read it only after many failed attempts of trying to cut the shapes without knowing what I’m doing. At first, I found it to be a little more complicated than I expected, but with a tiny bit of practice I could whip it around pretty fast. I looked like the quilting version of the Ginsu knife guy on TV! I totally recommend it because it’s 10 times faster than templates or drawing shapes on fabric. The drawback is that it seems a little expensive. But even if you don’t think you’ll ever use it, you’ll simply have to have it “just in case,” right? The Mercury Template $39.95

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